Today I am pleased to bring you a guest post from my friend Dan Cedrone. I'll warn you going in: it is lengthy. And quite angry, too.
Disclaimer: The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the views of Josh's Beer Blog. (But for the most part, they do.)
"The customer is not always right, it's the brewer who's always right."
I was listening to the local sports talk radio station who had a special guest that night. He was a local craft beer brewer who had come on the station for little publicity and to take a few calls from his fans and customers. The first few minutes of the interview were fine as it was a simple exchange of greetings and introductions. The guy had brought some beer to the studio and everyone seemed content to just sit around and talk about brewing. I even got a little jealous, wishing I was there.
However, It was after the very first caller of the evening expressed his disliking of a certain ale that the quote above came out. Not only did the guest host point this out, but he did so in an arrogant and condescending manner that kind of caught me off guard. From there, the flood gates were open and there was no hiding this guy's true colors. When someone called to commend the brewers pale ale style, he received friendly remarks and had all his questions answered respectfully. But if somebody mentioned they weren't the biggest fan of the Irish Red, the brewer would nearly flip out on the caller and accuse them of being unknowledgeable of beer and not having the proper acquired tastes. In some cases, comments got so heated that the regular show host found himself awkwardly trying to play peacemaker between the brewer and a number of callers. As the interview went on, I just found myself becoming more and more offended and disgusted by this guy's attitude. The way he spoke with people mirrored that of a strict father dealing with his 6 year old son. The arrogance and sense of self worth he seemed to carry himself with practically made me nauseous. This beer brewer was here to let everyone know that he had reached the pinnacle of his craft. You either liked all of his products and placed them at #1 on your list, or you were wrong. And if you were the latter, he couldn't be bothered wasting his time with you. By the time the segment was over, I was fuming. Who in the blue Hell did this guy think he was? It was that night I officially turned against Jim Koch and Samuel Adams.
I had been buying their styles less and less, finding other microbrews offering many similar beers that I found to just be better. I still drank Sam because some of their beers are pretty good, but they were slowly falling down my list. My problem with them stemmed from this nagging sense that told me they didn't really care about what I liked. Their Boston Lager has always been a winner. Their newer Cream Stout had become a winter favorite of mine as well. But beyond that, everything seemed to be made and bottled for the sake of saying they had made and bottled it.
Mr. Koch's interview was the last straw for me. His attitude and disrespect was enough for me to actually swear off his product. One of the things I need to do before I die is attend a national beer show where he will be present, walk up to this stand, which will undoubtedly be serving Boston Lager and Cherry Wheat, and punch him dead in the face.
He's the type of prick who refuses to drink any beer but his own. He's like a chef who never goes out to eat at other restaurants. It's not normal. It's nothing more than the product of arrogance, grossly misplaced at that.
I hate Sam Adams because of the image it tries to portray. Jim runs his advertising and publicity efforts and boosts his products by comparing himself to the Macrobrews served in football stadiums. "My beer is better because I use a lot of hops and Miller Lite doesn't" Are you kidding me? That's the angle you're taking here?¹ Watch those commercials and listen to him in his preachy video shown to tourists who visit the Boston brewery location, and you'd swear that Mr Koch is nothing less than a groundbreaking revolutionist. He's not just a microbrewer. He created microbrewing. The concept exists nowhere else but within the walls of this sacred building in historical Boston. Just walk this way and they'll show you what good beer is. They invented it.
The brand does it's best to latch on to their Boston name and location. Their flagship beer is called "Boston Lager". Another of their regulars is "Boston Ale". They use these names as a way to claim ownership of an entire customer base. They expect (in some ignorant cases, rightfully so) that the locals will develop a connection to something that was seemingly made especially for them. I can't stand seeing people at beer bars mindlessly ordering Sam Adams, without so much as a glance at the tap menu, because they seem to be conditioned to just order the New England brand name they see at Fenway Park by default.
Perhaps the most infuriating thing for me about Sam Adams is their refusing to acknowledge the microbrew market. They act like they ARE the market. They constantly claim to be introducing us to new beers. As though I'm sitting around sipping on Michelob Ultra, desperately in need of some taste. Well I for one am a fan of many different brewers. Some specialize in certain styles, others branch out into more adventurous brews. I've had Oatmeal Chocolate Stouts, Double IPA's, Saison Ales, Smoked Porters, Pumpkin Ales, Scottish Ales, Belgian Ales, Barley Wines, and several equally interesting and complex recipes from countless brewers across the country. None of which you'd even know exists if you listened to the wisecracking, cynical, terribly unfunny, and unknowledgeable tour guide pissants at Sam Adams.²
Now let's review those wonderful styles that pioneer has brought the world. Take a look at some of their regulars.
- Lager
- Pale Ale
- Cherry Wheat
- Brown Ale
- Summer Ale
- Irish Red
- Oktoberfest
Bravo.........(slow clap)
Alright, let's be fair. Where else on earth can you get an Oktoberfest? What's that? Who? Every brewer on the planet makes an Oktoberfest? Well what about a pale ale? Really? What about this lager? Am I even pronouncing that name correctly?
Give me a break.
Jim, I have a friend named Josh Smith. An enthusiastic beer drinker who has only just begun experimenting with homebrewing. I can honestly say that the styles he's attempted thus far put this list to shame.
Lately Jim has been picking up on the fact that his customers are enjoying more complex and extreme beers. Desperate to hold a candle to the likes of Dogfish Head, he has put out a new line of Imperial Beers. Desperate to do this as quickly and probably as cheaply as possible so he still had enough funds left for his "Grains of Paradise"³ the recipe seems to consist of a regular beer with a few barrels of grain alcohol tossed in so he can call it "extreme". I have sampled a few of these beers and have found them be not just subpar, but actually undrinkable in some cases. Unmasked alcohol aromas akin to cheap vodka. Promised roasted coffee notes coming out as flat out burnt. Inexplicable salty tastes. Let's just say I'm not impressed.
So what's his excuse? What do you hear when you take a sip of that Triple Boch and verbally express the memories of Children's Robitussin your mother forced down your throat that has suddenly come boiling to the surface?
You don't know what you're talking about.
At one point during that aforementioned interview, Jim solemnly reminisced about several styles forced into retirement. Not because they were botched recipes, but because the public simply wasn't ready for them. Some people appreciate being shown a good beer. Others just don't get it, and the mighty brewer simply can't afford to waste his time on these peons. He spent time mentioning his annoyance with people who pick up on the wrong scents, detect incorrect tastes, and come away with an overall opinion of his brews that is just....well......wrong.
I know what an Imperial Stout should taste like. I've had enough beers to know when an Imperial Pilsner has too many hops added to it. So do many other people. We're not the lowest common denominator. We know what we like and we shouldn't have to stand for a brewer trying to correct us in our tastes. Furthermore, we certainly don't need someone stepping forward with a beer style already brewed by many accross the country and have the audacity to claim that he is introducing the masses to this extreme beer.
When I order a steak, I don't want it layered in 3 inches of salt and drenched in chocolate sauce. No one does. And no respectable chef is going to serve something like that and tell us it's the new thing.
Then there's the darker side of Sam Adams. The other side of Jim Koch. The side that shows he's little more than a 2 bit whore looking to make a buck. Cherry Wheat? Cranberry Lambic? Blackberry Brew? Some brewers have pride in what they do. Others toss fruit into brown water and call it "targeting the market". If you like Cherry Coke, then drink that and mix in some Bacardi. But for Godsake please stop feeding into this man's ego.
Smirnoff makes a mojito drink that my girlfriend has grown quite fond of. But they don't claim themselves as a beer brewer because of it.
Look, Samuel Adams makes a number of sessionable and enjoyable brews. In the grand scheme of things, I'd rate their beers right in the middle of the vast microbrew market. But they need to accept what they are and stop pretending to be what they are not.
And Mr. Koch, I hope you don't take any of this too personally. I want nothing more than for you to truly utilize your talents while at the same time realizing what your customers want and giving them just that. Even though I know that as I write this you're probably working on a Mango Watermelon Hefeweizen.
You narcissistic moron.
¹Another little gimmick you may have noticed in their advertisements is their wise proclamation that they never use clear bottles, only dark brown because it keeps out harmful light rays. They point this out with such pride while ignoring the large elephant in the room. EVERYONE DOES THIS FOR THE SAME REASON!!!!!!................OK, maybe not Corona. Sam Adams is ahead of Corona in this department. I'll start selling tickets to the award banquet next week.
²Seriously, they're awful. They complete subpar tours as quickly as possible, talking way too fast for anyone to understand them. They actually point out that if anyone has any questions during the tour, it will only delay their trip to the sample room. From there, it's a blur of scripted cheap jokes, funny faces, and a few samples of flagship beers before you're whisked off to the gift shop. Sam Adams should be ashamed by the brewery tour experience. I have been to several breweries in New England (Berkshire, Shipyard, Oak Pond, Brewery North) and have always been treated to friendly and knowledgeable guides who take the time to educate you on the brewing process and love taking questions and opening discussions. Sam Adams needs to either shape up the tour experience or relabel it "Gift Shop with Free Beer Samples".
³You have all seen the commercials. His Grains of Paradise is the "secret ingredient" used to make is overly citrused often skunky Summer Ale, enjoyed by college seniors everywhere, proud of themselves for buying something more expensive than Natural Ice. It's the Abercrombie and Fitch of ales. Certain that he discovered these grains on his own and that no one else is aware of them, he slowly pronounces the name with such enthusiasm that I am quite certain he has achieved full orgasm and ejaculated into his pants during a number of the televised shots.
Wolaver's Farmhouse Ale
Crimes Against Humanity Bitter
